I Laughed So Hard I Can't Breathe

or
Aortic Stenosis Isn't All That Squeezes My Heart Today
for Robin Williams 1951-2014

I know I have a epitaph
steaming agony up from a scar
not unlike the one you wore
so proudly funny everywhere.

You'd bare it like your soul,
but little did we understand
that your soul stayed hidden
deeper than wounds on your chest

I laughed in porcine squealed snorts
when you performed your bovine moo
giggled as I thought about wallows
in barnyard goo while you chewed cud

You made me laugh away depression
while it tortured you back to addiction.
How dark was it in those footlights
once you took away your red nose?

Once you wiped off the grease paint,
dear clown, were you afraid to show
the world the face that twisted
sorrow, afraid we wouldn't care?

Now, how will I battle back the dark
that sometimes pokes holes in light
pleasure and memories? Without you
the world is sad and holds fewer joys.

But we will continue because saviours
exist and happiness is always easier
than depression no matter what the bottle
tries to tell you differently. Rest