- Non-Erotic Poetry
- I Remember
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Click hereI remember your blue eyes
And your soft touch
How much waking up beside you
Meant to me
But Alas this is gone now
I sleep alone
You sleep in a different bed
One filled with tubes and machine es
If I had but one wish
It would be to make you...you again
The long days I spend by your bedside
All seem like a blur
I have aged beyond my years
Fighting to keep day to day things normal
In the end...I will not love another
For this pain and hurt
Will last me three lifetimes
As you take your last breath
I remember everything
That made you special to me.
- COMMENTS
lorencinoover 16 years agoThe power of the felt reality certainly come through and I was deeply touched and thoughtful after reading your poem. There is something that is very innocent and unassuming about you that comes through everything I have read of yours. Perhaps "innocent" is not quite accurate. Try, "virtuous humility," perhaps. The thing is, one feels safe in your presence and it is easy to connect with the speaker in your poems.<br><br>However this does not preclude the possibility of polishing your poems so that they do the work that they are doing even more effectively. It is not my place to mess with the delicacy of your poetic statements, because I am completely ignorant of the intimate details of your life. It is up to you to decide whether you want to revisit these poems and polish them and, if you do decide to edit, how you are going to change them without destroying their poignancy.
My Erotic Trailover 16 years ago...in this poem is revealed, perfectly, for those who do not seek flaws but absorb the emotions in the words written(~_~)thanks for the read!
Anonymousover 16 years agoThis is a tender poem, that could have been a lot more powerfully moving for me if my sensibilities hadn't been jarred by a couple of typos, and a violent clash between past and present tense. Tenses can be mixed, but it's tricky to keep them from warring with each other. I was still moved by this poem, I just wanted it to be as perfect as the deep feeling behind it. Thanks for sharing ... I hope to see more.
