- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Ice Storm
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Click hereCrystal coated trees speak to me
In the cold, clear morning breeze
They shed their glass sleeves
With musical wind chime sounds
Adding their discarded shards
To a world of diamond sparkles
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoNicely done. I like in particular the contast in the last 2 lines of "discarded shards" turning the world into "diamond sparkles."
I might have played with using "diamond bed sparkles" in which case I would have replaced "Adding" with "Making" (as in a bed.) I think the then 2 hard "d" sounds in the last 2 lines gives this short poem a slower more deliberate ending, which I think is always desirable in short poems, but that may be just my bias.
As I said, nicely done.
Kobaabout 13 years agoAn absolutely beautiful poem! Wow! Very impressive! I live in Alaska and find myself constantly looking at the beauty in the "crystal coated trees". Magnificent imagery! You have a gift!
Liarabout 13 years agoCould trim a word here and there for perfection. (For instance, no need to tell us it's cold, that's implied everywhere anyway.) But overall an excellent little snapshot.
vrosej10about 13 years agoSo I can't comment on the realism, but you're improving all the time as a poet. i agree about the last line. I think cliches might be your personal bugaboo. Mine's gerunds; I am the proverbial gerund whore much talked about here.
