If This Is What It Feels Like

If this is what it feels like to have a daddy, I don't know if I want one. If this is the pain I'll feel when I am brushed asided, and ignored, I don't like it. I always wished for the love that no other man but a daddy could show me. I always hoped for the feeling that no other but a daddy could give. I feel empty and hollow inside, the pain doesn't want to go away. I dream bad dreams, but nobody is there to comfort me when I awaken from them. I cry real tears, but nobody is there to wipe them away.

The love of a daddy probably left me when he died. I never got to tell him that I needed him. I never got to run into his arms and have him hold me tightly in his lap and tell me everything would be ok. I need him, and I'm beginning to realize that what I missed all those years, can never be replaced, and that's the hardest lesson I've had to learn yet.

I'm not a whole woman. I'm part of a woman, I've never had the real love that I've craved all my life, that only my daddy could give me. He was weak, and I resented it. Now I'm grown, now he's gone, and I'm alone and filled with guilt because I don't know how to love right, and I feel it's somehow my fault.