- Erotic Poetry
- Images Alive
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Images
Etched
Permanent memories
Alive
Breathing
Craving him
His soft lips
Parted
Kissing me seductively
My unskilled hands
Trembling
Fumbling at his buttons
Our unbridled passion
Rising
Burning, longing to be quenched
My mouth
Hot
Hungry for his perfect cock
His tongue
Taught
Tantalizing my swollen clit
Our juices
Flowing
Mingling, the product of our lust
My back
Arching
Writhing beneath him silently begging
His body
Manly
Intoxicating
Bearing down, taking over me
Penetration
Startling
Deep
Thrusting me towards unknown pleasure
Panting
Grinding
Our fingers entwined
Grasping reverently
Two bodies, now one
Sweating
Synchronized
Our eyes
Half opened
Glazed
Smiling, knowing
Warmth
Growing
Spreading
Climax
Exctasy
Moaning
Muscles tensing
Body shuddering
Sweetest release
Lying peacefully in surrender
Mesmerizing images
Unforgettable
Undeniable
Insatiable appetite for him.
- COMMENTS
unpredictablebijouover 15 years agoYou've got a real skill with image, and while I agree that the '-ing' ending sometimes weakens things, there are a few places where it works here. When you edit, see if you can shift a few of those to a more direct verb form and then you've really got something. And pardon the harsh critique of this, since you don't even know me, but I would suggest killing the "unbridled passion" phrase - that really weakens the piece.
I'm glad you're submitting here! Keep up the good work!
champagne1982over 15 years agoYou've chosen your vocabulary really well here. Each image unfolds with definitive lines. We know exactly what you're talking about. Beware the gerund, words ending in 'ing' that can take over the poem and distract your reader. Speak your poetry aloud and if you find you sound as if you're swinging and winging your phrasing ;) ... then maybe you've been caught in the gerund trap. Moderation in all makes for stronger poetry. Let the reader do some of the interpretive work while you just stick to the facts. Thanks for your poetry today.
Safe_Betover 15 years agoWhat is it with everybody today - nothing but stellar first poems! Very nice piece. My favorite lines were "Bearing down, taking over me; Penetration; Startling; Deep". The "startling" line made it all come into wonderful perspective.
