In Control?

I never dreamed that I'd have had
Or made the decisions that I've made.
That luck and means both good and bad
Would make my life so disarrayed.

But they were decisions that I took
Alone, and changes I sought out.
Not following the scripted book
That I had thought I'd never doubt.

So here am I in chaos cast
And much depends on what I do.
Rising, I think, above my past,
To my own heart I'll be selfishly true.

To make one happy or another cry
As I choose the paths to take,
A love could grow as another dies
By decisions made for my own sake.

I do dislike this role I'm in.
For good decisions now I strive
to cause the least pain that I can
But I've never felt so much alive.