- Non-Erotic Poetry
- In Control?
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Click hereI never dreamed that I'd have had
Or made the decisions that I've made.
That luck and means both good and bad
Would make my life so disarrayed.
But they were decisions that I took
Alone, and changes I sought out.
Not following the scripted book
That I had thought I'd never doubt.
So here am I in chaos cast
And much depends on what I do.
Rising, I think, above my past,
To my own heart I'll be selfishly true.
To make one happy or another cry
As I choose the paths to take,
A love could grow as another dies
By decisions made for my own sake.
I do dislike this role I'm in.
For good decisions now I strive
to cause the least pain that I can
But I've never felt so much alive.
- COMMENTS
Tsothaover 10 years agoI really liked the thoughts you put into this, and the way you describe the past, present and future ("I never dreamed that I'd have had" / "So here am I in chaos cast" / "For good decisions now I strive"), weaving it all together with thoughts and feelings about this person's own situation. It's a window into the awareness of one's own situation, something valuable in itself for the knowledge it contains.
As for the rhymes, it seems like you've written everything into a very neat structure. I do not understand much about this technical part, but I can surely appreciate the effort it takes to make things fit like that. Good job!
Cleardaynowover 10 years agoIt is hard to separate oneself from what is an ongoing saga - which itself is completely valid in poetry, I believe.
Good that this time you are not repeating the successful formula of telling a story of nature, musing about it and then sliding into the meat. Though I would be pleased to see that again.
It absolutely holds the attention. Nothing jars but I am not sure how good technically the verse is (Greenmountaineer could make more useful comment on that) but you clearly wanted to say what was true and not compromise that.
