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Click hereBut when we spoke,
both burned alive,
the ash covered tongue
and teeth
and lungs
A film formed: you could taste like yolk
Inherent needs deprived
So we undressed the night
of its molding bones
felt shudders (of delight?)
Exposed of its sex
less
ness
dragged itself across the floor
its eyes not once caught light
rasping:
I cannot bare the brunt of you
the force within me keep
the salaciousness bathed in violence,
riotous, the tease
and skin blistered by silence
the ripest flesh won't appease
I cannot bare the lack of you
this lack of love received.
I really like this - it would be absolutely perfect if you played around with it to tighten and intensify the verse a little - a few thoughts -
ash covered the tongue...of molding bones...exposed the sex (get rid of some of the its in stanza 2)...the force within me keeps (or forces within me keep)...dump the 'the' before salaciousness
good stuff nonetheless. Sweet O.