Indecision

Today, the sky is bright, lit quite nicely with the intensity of the sun.
Inevitable heat radiates down upon the pavement, warming the air around me
Those perfect days that come so few and far between, a cool breeze easing the insufferable heat
Random thoughts flit unconsciously through my mind, never staying long enough to ponder
Barely leaving enough of an impression to remember what they were, but knowing they are there
So many loose ends, I suddenly seem to have, one thought running into another, indecision looming
An apprehension seems to be gripping my heart, squeezing it, forcing me to make a decision
Letting go, naturally, is the easiest course, just walking away.
But with every action, a reaction occurs, which brings me back to ponder.
Consequences are in abundance, picking the one that is bearable, being the deciding factor
Responsibility is something I've chosen to accept, and that was laid on me long before I knew why or even for what
On one hand, a budding friendship. On the other, inevitable destruction.
Not a hard decision, if you look at it in that light, broken down to simple variables.
In every variable, however, within every variable, lies a dimension of more variables that make up the simple point
Digressing, and taking onto another line of thought, easier to dispense of the task at hand, rambling instead
Back to the point. Alright. Concentrate. It can't be that hard. Just.. Think.
Gut instincts. Let Go. Its not healthy, don't hold on to evil.
Heart. Don't let go, it feels good, it feels right.
Heart. Friendship, is much better, more secure, more safe, more realistic, more stable, wanted.
Head. ............
Fine, noted lack of transmission from the brain.
Scales are tipping precariously, Blind eyes staring at the levitation of the plates.
Already knowing What needs to be done.
Just don't have the heart to do it.
Taking out the invisible scissors...
Cutting the line...
Eyes closing slowly, breath captured in an instant.
waiting...

Waiting............

Waiting...........

Doubt......

damnit, not again..
I made a decision, it has to stick
No Guilt Allowed
No regrets
No more dreaming
No more wanting
The truth shall set you free?
I don't think so.
The truth sets me free, from everyone..
Yes.. so.. I'm greedy.. for keeping it in, for keeping it hidden, for not sharing
I can live with that..
I am weak..
I can live with that..
masking it, so nobody else can see
just add a few more bricks to the walls, nobody can see inside
I can live with that

can't I?