- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Infantry
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I hunt for the wounded;
Search the plastic shrapnel
Littering the battle field.
He is curled in a fox hole
Of pillows and blankets.
I hunker in the fuzzy bunker,
Scoop up my casualty,
And head for the encampment.
I stumble through debris kicking away
The toy soldiers and colouring books
I find an empty bed to lay my soldier to rest.
Tomorrow’s battle still ahead.
- COMMENTS
Bridget69about 19 years agoNicely conveys the innocence of a child at play and a mother's nurturing care.
darkgoddess2478about 19 years agoAuthorI wrote this in the first person for a reason. It is a first person encounter- one mother and her child. I don't believe that it has alienated my readers at all. Any mother or father who has been there understands... and they might be looking at it from my eyes, but they are also seeing it from their own eyes, which is what makes it different from the rest.
Thanks for the feedback
Reltneabout 19 years agoThis could become a classic poem. At the moment I find weakness in the repetition of pronouns. (IMHO) It could become stronger and more universal if you were to present the verb phrases such as:
I hunt. . .
I hunker. . .
I stumble. . .
I find. . .
without the "I" and in a varied manner.
By writing in the first person you do not involve the readers, you tend to make them mere observers. [Please don't change "I" to "you" that has an even worse effect. ;) ]
Thank you for the read.
