- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Inherited
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Click hereWhile I've beared the burdens
and posed as his centerpiece,
for years I was his spy.
I'm afraid I've been a contributor
to these disruptions.
I have the honor of watching
another innocent learn
love is pain
his pain is love.
My eye twitches.
- COMMENTS
TheRainManover 18 years agoI love your skill with understatement as well, and when you repair the first stanza, this poem will show it off too, I think.
The verb in the first line is obviously incorrect, but there's more wrong with the first stanza than that. It doesn't read well, even if you fix "beared." I think perhaps the word "While" needs to be removed as well.
Your poetry is excellent, IMO - this first stanza was a slip up. Just fix it, and move on. :)
My Erotic Trailover 18 years agointeresting read, thanks tess for the finger point~ <grin... nice write.
Tzaraover 18 years agoThey are quirky and understated. This is no exception. Quite nice.
I do think it should be "borne" not "beared" in the first line, though.
WickedEveover 18 years agoThis really is interesting. Reading it makes me want to know the story behind it.
