- Erotic Poetry
- Inside You
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You told him to caress you and he did.
You held him so the night would not steal him away.
You let him in so you could cry soft tears.
You could feel his soul going inside you.
You mumbled, yes, more, hoping this would never end.
You had this urge to take your privilege inside.
You felt he was almost there so you whispered his name over and over.
Then you felt it inside you, faster and faster
Maddeningly white, the color of love.
- COMMENTS
champagne1982almost 17 years agoI felt I could understand the longing and need of your narrative voice in this poem. If you took away the repetition of "you" at the start of each line, I think you'd uncover a more direct route to the heart of your meaning, it would seem more urgent, perhaps.
Thanks for sharing.
