- Erotic Poetry
- Into the abyss
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Click hereart of separation
premeditated preparation
deception of the soul
needing to be whole
wishes wants
temptation taunts
changing feelings
senses reeling
into the abyss
- COMMENTS
RisiaSkyeover 19 years ago...and I still want to say this, so I must mean it:
Don't take the easy way out. End rhyme is great, if it serves your ideas. But make it work for you.
FWIW: There's something in there--I hope you keep at it.
RS
Belegonalmost 20 years agoin both the current and suggested format. What if the order is desired due to specifics in the subject matter?
I think a reading by the poetess would be desireable to see how she would present the inflection. I like the way the last line is set off by itself while speaking of the abyss. Almost like she is willingly moving into loneliness, the seperation from the first line.
Anonymousalmost 20 years ago...you have chosen makes your poem very flat, almost like a greeting card verse. Try juggling the lines, they are easily interchangable still making sense.
"art of separation
deception of the soul
premeditated preparation
needing to be whole"
Keep writing, you've got some good ideas.
:Note: I no longer use the thermometer - it means nothing.
