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Click hereAuthor's Note: Like all other submissions under poetry, these are intended to be lyrics. I really would appreciate what people think of them, and if there are any requests people might have for a story I'm all ears, or eyes... or, doesn't matter. Anyway, enjoy and tell me what you think.
I wanna stand above the sea
To scream and shout 'I am me'
For my life to exist above the sky
I must lock away my heart inside
Rise like a god just to fall like a fool
Lies told through my life
Won't be spoken or written
Until I rise from deceit
There's no one to save me
No one who can blame me
So I won't face the mistakes I've made
To the grave I stumble
Open casket waiting for me
Spoken words made to sing
It's the same I remain
Woven in drying blood I spilt
Fallen for the same old guilt
I wanna run across the sea
To dream and realise I am me
All my hopes made to fall to the sky
I will rise again and let my heart outside
There's no one to save me
So I will place the blame
On myself so I can fall and rise again
In this grave I crumble
Beneath the sky I reached for
Beseech and cried my wish to soar
It's the same I stumble
Reaching for my hope I own
Leeching off the pain of those I wrong
Atonement passed me by
I still stand above the sea asking why
Even though I was me I still can't touch the sky
Through opened eyes I will... I will...
I will take all this sorrow and pain
I still wake feeling the blade within
Guilt for all the blood I've spilt
Devours my sanity leaving only me
Now lower me into the grave
I am connecting with the theme of guilt and sorrow.
Nice work, and forget about what that other fucker sez. If the poetry and songwriting work for you, pound it out of your soul and body till it helps you. This is what I have learned.
Once again ...... all the focus is on 'I/me'.
Once again ...... there's a lot of reference to sin, guilt, judgement and punishment.
You write from an emotional perspective that keeps touching upon the same familiar subject and because of this vantage point that really is disadvantageous - the end result more often than not is a lot of wallowing in a swirling vortex of vague, generic, bland misery.
Escape the eye of this storm. Step outside of it.
Expressing feelings via poetry or lyrics usually results in a product that is neither poetic or lyrical.
You have to approach songwriting from different angles in order to come up with a variety of engaging pieces.
The music and singing quality and intensity of both that will eventually accompany these lyrics can only compensate for so much.
When all is said and done, it is just same song over and over again.