Is It Summer Yet?

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patientlee
patientlee
375 Followers

For me
March is like a black hole.
It sucks
The joy out of my soul.

And why
Do I hate March so much?
It has
My spirit in its clutch.

April
Can bring violence.
School days
Are just so fucking tense.

In May
I start to feel some hope.
Sunlight
Can help me start to cope.

But June
It is my favorite.
I know
It will be summer, yet.

patientlee
patientlee
375 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
4 Comments
JWrenJWrenover 9 years ago
Lightening the mood

Anyone who has read Mrs Maitland's SAD Valentine should appreciate the mood changes here as summer leaves behind the darker months.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Humor.

You can even inject humor into a poem. You lady got some mad skills.Sincerely, PB

SecondCircleSecondCircleover 9 years ago
I can hear this....

It may not seem too odd, but I can actually hear this. The... tempo? ... of this is what I liked best. Of course the lines are structured to do that, but word choice can often be a punctuation of its own because of the way it sounds. So it kind of flowed and hit heavy at the same time. Which is why I could hear this. As I read, it somehow formed into a hard rock song in my head. I wanted to write riffs to it.

The theme is one I understand. There's something interesting I see beneath the words, this deeper theme. Spring usually carries the connotations of beginnings, of the earth blossoming and the dead coming back to life. You can see it in the trees. So it's like this season where we crawl from the cold caves and step into the light right?

Here you show us how spring holds you prisoner. The world blooms but you're trapped. That's kinda cool irony right there. I mean usually you don't hear about spring being a hole or someone with their "Spirit" in the clutches of March. So your poem comes across to me as kind of ironic in the wording and its imagery.

A lotta vivid into in so few lines. That's pretty good. Enjoy your summers and leave your spring behind. Winter is coming. :)

CleardaynowCleardaynowover 9 years ago
So pleased to see your name here

First off, I very highly recommend any one seeing this comment to read Patientlee’s story ‘I Won a Basket of Porn’ in Humour & Satire. It is absolutely brilliant and very, very funny.

Which brings me how pleased I am to see your name and poem here. When I made my first entry into Literotica I was mortified to see another story entered that day in that section get more comments and higher marks. I quickly and scanned through it, misinterpreting it and was outraged. Later I went back and actually read it. Like I said, brilliant. I should have left a comment – but was new & let it drift.

I like the sentiment and the way it is expressed. The structure and insistent rhyme I personally find a little heavy. What I absolutely love is the final ‘yet’ – and the comma that sits innocently in front of it.

Now the comma says it is not just that it will be summer soon. So and yet what? That winter will come later? That summer will come but not exactly bring the joy that we hope for? I love the yet. To me it lifts the poem.