It Just Is

It Just Is
Once she was carefree and filled with the entire luster of one in love with her soul mate. But that is no more. The sinister hand of fate took her love in the prime of his life. He had so much to live for and yet there is no life left for him to live. The duel was fought and his debt was paid. And now, her beloved lies within a stone cold grave. Forthwith she walks along the tightrope of life, teetering upon the frigid line between surreal survival and antagonistic anguish. She dips her toe into the murky depths of the past with one single thought…. it just is.

Every rumination is plagued with her lost love. And the overwhelming desire to die right along with him makes the very chambers of her heart hollow with her loss. No one feels the pain like the girl whom is carrying the weight of it within her broken heart. Her steps are down trodden while she numbly surges through the rest of her life. Other than touching on the basic need to survive, she does little else to show any interest in living. Dare you follow her down into the core of her soul? The darkness consumes her and she has not the strength to stop it. It just is.

A simple reflection can cause her fragile world to crumble at her feet. She stands there among the rubble wondering if within the dust she could find him. Like dust upon air he caresses her cheek. A chilled hand clutches the forbidden caress and a tear flickers and pools in the corner of her eye. The moisture swells and fills her sight. Was he just here? Alas he is not near and there is nothing inside to console her bewildered soul. The pain fills her to the brink with thoughts of him. Like a long lost lover, his scent lingers in the air around her, surrounding her shriveled form in an aching cloak of torment. It just is.

The heavy constriction in her chest heaves with each chasm of breath. She hates life and its eternal threat of death. Often she asks herself who really died. She feels too much and wishes to know little. The void he has left has etched its presence upon her soul, and within her gray life she is so very cold. Maybe she shall surrender to the ache and give all that she is to the minion that beckons her by name. Perhaps she shall become a shadow of the light that once encumbered her existence. It just is.

The sorrow surges from the very foundation of her heart. The constant reminder that he is gone pulses through her veins casting gloom into every vessel within her existence. Her heart hesitates to expand for she will never let another within the deepest depths. He shall always fill her heart, he shall always dominate her mind, and he shall always fight away all of her fears whether sleeping or waking. She wishes to lie with him now in his world of eternal slumber. For to wake up without him and embrace the emptiness that now rests beside her is almost more than she can take. The tears that stain her pillow attest to the pining that flows through her soul. It just is.

Silken tears stream down her cheeks and mark the path of her sorrow. Sallow depths peer out from an encumbered sight. Her eyes are still filled with him despite her misfortune. She sees him in the past that she rebukes. She hears him in the whisper of the wind that calls her from worlds away, tearing into her essence when his voice caresses her inner ear once again. Upon lighting a candle of remembrance she senses his sensuality dancing in the burning flame. The strong grip that once held her firmly in place regardless of the fact that she never wanted to stray, it now holds her tighter than ever. Even through death, his love consumes her spirit. It just is.

It has been said that she shall move on given enough time. But these wounds adorn her from the inside and bleed anew with the rising of the sun. He was cruelly ripped from her world, for there was no last goodbye or a parting of the ways. It is just the girl now…alone. And no matter how many tears she cries she cannot recapture the love that has been lost. Wise words affirm that it is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all. Alas those astute words have yet to live with the loss that ebbs and flows through her life. It just is.

Her mind plays cruel tricks on her in the gloomy pathways of endurance. She tries to tell herself that he is gone. A tremor overtakes her slight form and she shakes her head in utter defiance, trying to rid herself of the tiny voice that tells her he is still here. But he is here even though she has been alone all along. Her inner demons chase away all of her sanity and for a brief moment she stretches her arms out to him. And if she concentrates she can feel him, her true love, her angel of the dark. He holds her tight and meets her for a rendezvous this very night. She knows she only clutches herself with arms of deceit, and yet she felt her heart leap. It just is.

It is within her tumultuous dreams that she reviews her kisses once given to him with the delight of her heart. She is slipping fast as she grasps him, proclaiming her aching need within the reigning passion she feels for him. Only his lips can make her feel better. Now she’s lost inside him, begging him not to depart. The darkness promises her a glimmer of hope, lying to her sinking heart. Nevertheless the pain inside her crushes her with the lone reality of the truth, storming through her essence like the distant roll of thunder. She reaches out to him murmuring softly to his vanishing form, “Don’t forget that you are mine….” It just is.

Dark lashes flutter and she opens dreary amber eyes to find that she is trapped in this existence. It is the same as yesterday and shall be the same tomorrow until her life is spent in bereavement for the one she adores. She stares off into the never-ending distance, a distance that spans a lifetime. The beauty still marks her features, and yet it is a dark beauty that aches for release. Pale lips part just enough for her whispered words to escape upon an erratic groan. “Take me with you my love…take me with you. Wherever you go I will follow, whether it be through the depths of hell or the heights of heaven. For my love for you is eternal. It just is.”

A rugged catch of breath wraps around her disheveled mane and the girl curls up into a tight ball to conceal herself and perhaps keep the part of him that adorns her to herself. Her world is closing in around her and she welcomes it. The wind of change greedily took her beloved away. She would stand before the wicked wind in bravery and a depth of utter grief that begs to be overcome, if only it would carry her back into his arms where she could live once again. She would rather die a thousand deaths with him, than live one life without him. But it is not her choice. It just is.