- Erotic Poetry
- Jam Session
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Click heremy fingers deftly delve
finding your chords
A,C,G,D gentle but firm,
thrum and stroke,
playing your favourite
tune building to
absolute abandon
You lick your lips
and begin to play
the trumpet
blow and pull no
worry about the
spit valve
Jamming together,
synchronised
A perfect duet
Release the trumpet,
mouth open, nod in
appreciation
letting me play solo,
fingering techniques
on point, sounds anoint
the night
Cock waggling,
a metronome
clocking the beat
you join my solo
drum out your own
on the sheets
with a falsetto wail
you take up your trumpet
work it hard and fast
to tie it together
in a climactic crescendo.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellover 10 years agoGood metaphor but I do think you need something more to pull it all together, but keep up the good work :)
erectus123over 10 years agoall hail our new champion of innuendo, I wouldn't change a word. Of course if you had my piano teacher you would understand. She broke my heart when she eloped, I was 12, she was 20. We never performed your duet....although I guess I one handed it after lessons....
butt in all seriousness, I mean but in all seriousness this is what erotic poetry is all abutt, anyway this is intelligent, fun and light and for me that makes it great....we are lucky to have you, your participation that is...
tazz317over 10 years agoas the Carnival of Venice on the C & D. TK U MLJ LV NV
Angelineover 10 years agoI think you have written a poem that mostly works really well as an erotic metaphor. I totally agree with 1201's suggestion about the metronome waggling and cocking the beat. That would be a more understated way of getting your point across without breaking the metaphor, which you don't need to do. Anyone should be able to read your poem and see it as erotica without you being overly obvious in that one place. I don't have a problem with graphic language. I just think that you have written an extended metaphor and you should try to sustain it as such. Once you introduce more overt erotic language, you lose the strength of the metaphor.
Just my opinion Tod and overall I think you're doing great.
GuiltyPleasureover 10 years ago...sixty-nine? Music is often used as metaphor for the sex act but here it is not very lyrical.....as 1201 said about an eadlier piece - some unintentional (maybe) humour.
I voted.
