- Illustrated Poetry
- Java Vamp
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- COMMENTS
Neonuroticover 12 years agoAuthorIf I only had that image in my files without the text I would fix it. What you see Ange, is what you get: my bare ass mistakes. Enjoy. ;p
Angelineover 12 years agoI think I remember this or maybe you are forever associated in my mind with coffee porn as I am in yours with sleeping lol. It is pure joy to see a good illustrated poem here--a good integration of words and photo. I miss smithpeter, too, and Eve!
I would make a few changes: 1) that "hot" in l3 cries out for a "cool" to me instead of "low" in l4; 2) I'd say "set" not "sets" in l5; and 3) if you start that second strophe with "come here..." and lose "A silent--", the reader can decide whether it's spoken or not which, to me, would be a cool thing.
Just my opinion, but what's a few nitpicks between friends? xo
RhymeFairyover 12 years agoI love the imagery and the invitation. Spoken with words to tempt... tease. So, very ... very nice. Yummy poem here!
