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What a joke, lighting votive candles at your Church
of Smoke and Shitful Sorrows. Pitiful, endless
parades of chimeras issue like froth.. Aye, tis harder,
for a camel - a cheap cigarette, perhaps, want one?
You can surround yourself with smoke like a cancer
and eat at all that surrounds us. A tissue? Wipe
your ass, wipe your eyes, dainty gloved assplug.
Want a punchline? We all wind up in a bigger hole
than you've ever been dear; we'll make it a contest,.
run, baby, run. Run, it's crush time, I'm laughing.
And we all know how lucky I am. When laughing.
- COMMENTS
ishtatover 9 years agoTitle is important to me. Jokes have an unfunny side - remind me of clowns.
I never thought the poem was about church or religion at all but about delusion or self deception. 'Church of Smoke and Shitful Sorrows' is a great line. I agree with Greenmountaineer about 'assplug', it's not needed. The contrast between 'wipe your ass, wipe your eyes, dainty (daintily?) gloved' is more effective on its own. Don't know whether 'issue like froth' is the best phrase but can't think of a better. The last line and a half loses me a bit . But still worth a six.
Tsothaalmost 10 years ago"Church of Smoke" is really cool. A place of certainty, that amounts to nothing. And "parades of chimeras issue like froth"... It certainly brings "something" to my mind. I also like how you stop the camel line halfway through.
With that said, I feel this poem could use some work with the punctuation. There are places where it seems you want to say one thing, but the way you're breaking it up leads in another direction (e.g., lines 5 and 6). The second stanza I'm not so sure about, I like the first two lines but mostly agree with what greenmountaineer said.
In any case, I really enjoyed seeing this in the forum. :)
twelveooneover 11 years agoAuthorI will post as an anonymous because you love it so much. you are anonymouse ...
that was anonamouse, and I wasn't around here back in may, as a matter of fact, i was
gone for about a year, thank you for the H removal, the weight of fame was pressing down heavy on my shoulders...as for the rest of your allegations...you wouldn't be a part of the mysterious vote loaders from a few years back?
BTW i gave myself a 5, come back and erase it
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoI will post as an anonymous because you love it so much. you are anonymouse amongst other sarcastic and pathetic pseudonyms. Your poetry is often brilliant but more oft than naught it is aimed at nameless people whom you believe are the horrible anon yet you post anon comments under your fake names all the time. There was a time I respected you, now you just make me sort of ill. The forum has improved since you've been gone. Adios, comotose
bogusagainalmost 13 years agoI read your explanation to greenmountaineer but line 5 I have a real problem with. surround yourself with smoke like cancer? Isn't this rather sloppy? Shouldn't it be "cancerous smoke" or some such construction?
"You can surround yourself with cancerous smoke
that eats at all that surrounds us."
I have to admit, before I read your explanation I thought the poem was about religion. Life does promise so much, delivers so little and then nothing but a hole, religion being something of a sick joke, an attempt to control us by claiming that if we follow a certain truth, life isn't short, brutal and wretched. As if religion knows about anything other than superstition.
