just another midtown addict

Years were spent
watching the world go by
through those neon trimmed windows
every other central park carriage ride
had some guy
fingers inserted
into what we called the "cp mitten girls"
I bet they thought they were the only ones
trying to keep warm

let me tell you, honey,
exhibitionism in NYC isn't original
and we voyeurs have seen it all
while we sniff lines
the size of manhattan
off the sticky bar

using phone books to prop yourself up
so some bartender can fuck you
the way you like it
hard from behind
all this snow for free
so you sniff again
not knowing whether it's disdain
for the words in this impromptu scrabble game
or the delicious nasal drip
that makes you gag
and long for another bump

you think to judge me, don't you?
that makes me laugh at you, tourist
watching what you think is my life
or what was left of it, anyway.

waking up, or sobering up enough
to lift my head out of a pile of vomit
thinking I was hearing the best joke
laughing with chunks of life stuck in my hair
telling the drunks to fuck off
running outside to him
the guy who gives me the ticket to this wild ride
opening my mouth
because I love him
why wouldn't I
he gave me this excellent life, showed me it's beauty
enveloped me in the delightful fetal position
wait

that's just him lying on the sidewalk
his blood coating my hands
I bet if I put my finger in that hole the bleeding will stop
I'm smart, you see, college educated.
I don't think blood is supposed to be outside of your body
I have to puke
no, no, it's not that...
I need another bump
I'm just sick.