- Erotic Poetry
- laced in sad ribbons
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laced in sad ribbons
I am unsure
the nature of your sorrow,
I see you strain
within this corset,
a life too tightly bound
with expectations,
performance,
and waiting till tomorrow.
"achingly" is how
you say you need me--
unfreezing
as you speak
the yearning
that I hold in check,
with just one word
you loose the garment
of my holding back.
I gently pull you
toward me,
look into your eyes
as fingers
with a purpose
graze your thighs;
then reaching to untangle
the many bows and knots
I struggle to release
the tension,
to make the ribbons
of your binding
fall,
as with
the softest gasp,
you
lean
into
my
undoing...
- COMMENTS
Cleardaynowabout 10 years agoI am grateful to Greenmountaineer & Todski's commenting which drew me to this poem. Generally, I avoid the erotic poems as, like 'erotic' photographs, they are seldom erotic and usually fail by every other criterion. This is beautifully crafted, subtle - and highly erotic.
Also, I usually do not like short lines as I tend to lose the plot and then interest. Here each line is meaningful by itself and each line end is a proper pause for the reader.
I particularly liked the last line/word.
Congratulations.
greenmountaineerabout 10 years agoIt's nice to read an erotic poem that's well written. You grab the reader's attention right away in the first stanza with a clear image and beginning narrative. You also work the metaphor from start to finish very nicely. I didn't think there was any excess in this poem to speak of. Spatially, the last few lines appear to come undone, which I'm sure was intended, and wasn't lost on me. I'm wondering if you could have populated the second stanza with words that had more soft consonants because moving from rigidity to softness was the direction the poem was taking. Perhaps it would not have changed anything, but I think it would be an interesting exercise.
I enjoyed the poem very much.
todski28about 10 years agoBeautifully written understated erotica, the tension is palpable, the pressure, the release, took a few reads to savior and untie the imagery created. Because of the corset as the catalyst of the tension I have the image of a female lover.
