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Click hereOn angel’s wings I once did fly
Through clouds of splendor rings
But now walk I the land
Barren, humid, shiftless waste it is
Demon eyes do stare from shadowy places
A broken, shattered sword in hand
I stumble through this land
Wasteland, wasteland all around
Eye to eye and to frown
Covered in rusted steel
Chinked and dented is its feel
I limp along through this land
Children play and disappear
In this land of waste and tear
Coming clouds of rain I see
Dropping spots of tears and sorrow
Wasteland, wasteland all I see
That one green knoll a memory
That pretty girl a hurt for me
- COMMENTS
DanaQtover 19 years agoI think if you would add more punctuation to this piece, it would be so much better. Here are some suggestions in hoping to help:
On angel’s wings I once did fly- On angels wings,
Through clouds of splendor rings (.)
But now walk I the land- But now I walk the land???
Barren, humid, shiftless waste it is-
The barren, humid, shiftless waste it is.
Demon eyes do stare from shadowy places -prehaps shadowed?
A broken, shattered sword in hand- With a broken
I stumble through this land-(.)
Wasteland, wasteland all around (;)
Eye to eye and to frown- a frown??? semi-colon
Covered in rusted steel (.)
Chinked and dented is its feel-it's feel.
I limp along through this land (;)
Children play and disappear
In this land of waste and tear
Coming clouds of rain I see.
Dropping spots of tears and sorrow (;)
Wasteland, wasteland all I see
That one green knoll a memory (,)
That pretty girl a hurt for me- should be reworded. Not proper grammer in this line.
I enjoy helping and hope you didn't take offense. I loved this poem and think you should name it "Wasteland". Just my opinion.
