Last Orders

     —  I —

Buckled down high school, studious college,
always the nerd they could count on.
He'd lend a hand to help understand,
though his own work might be a mountain.

Finally the day he received the decree
that accounted him certified;
and after the boards he's public, as well,
and can help others count out their lives.

He always liked numbers, they're simply so simple:
if they don't add it's someone's mistake.
The numbers themselves can never lie,
lines of green on a sand-colored page.

Bound by the rules of general ledger,
regimented, this life he chose.
He's always worked hard, planned his life well;
at the end of the day, home he goes

to his suburban house with a two car garage,
a white picket fence and all;
and then there's his wife and his two point five,
turning to three in the fall.

He always did feel that he had to give back,
to the country that gave him all this.
So he joined with the Guard, not to avoid,
but just because that's who he is.

For a weekend a month plus a couple of weeks
he feels ready should need arise,
to protect his home town from a riot or flood,
or watch people in picket lines.

When orders come that it's time to ship out
he's surprised, but ready to go.
It's only six months, probably less,
a cakewalk and then he's back home.

     —  II —

A tearful goodbye
training on the fast
water, whirlwind wings
suddenly somewhere hot
he's never travelled
what a first this is
the regimental life
khaki, camo and ammo
ruled now by General Franks
ranks and tanks
race for the prize
loud, edgy, hot
like lightning
and then it's over
cheers and smiles
time to go home

six months, a year
missing
always missing
he didn't know
how much he loves her
and now a daughter
he's never seen
always longer
always on edge
always hot
olive drab
in a sand-colored cage
these people hate us
shoulder their burdens
but look over those shoulders
constantly
bad to worse comes to mind

nerves tight as steel
counting flags
remembering Arlington
like a giant picket fence
a few a day
a small price to pay
but the numbers don't add up
these people are his brothers
those people are certifiable
whack a hornets' nest
and try to run
well you can't
it's all around you
buzzing mad
bad news from home
had to sell a car
mortgage behind
can't you come home?
soon they say
ninety more days

it's just a phrase
all Hell breaks loose
except when you live it
everyone saw it coming
every move pushed it along
don't these people think?
he pictures a board
little toy soldiers
falling over
one by one
that's us
we're someone's mistake
ninety days and he's home
when Hell breaks loose
it's just a phase
you cope
live through it
and you can go home

day dawns acrid
flies buzz forever
dust? who knows?
same as ever
please rain
patrols on end
wish they'd stop
but he worries
about that wish
bad news from home
the letter he sent
back in ninety days
back to the safety
of numbers
sorry to say
we gave that away
it's over a year
you can't really expect
et cetera
but et cetera punctuated
by small arms fire
more flies
and heat

grab your gear
orders just in
we're protecting a convoy
troops? fuel? ammo?
private contractors.
what the hell
are these people doing here
if they can't
protect
themselves?
as engines rev up
he thinks to himself
Why should I die
to protect someone's bottom line?
I never signed up for that.
National Guard...
where does that say Iraq?
Someday there has to be
an accounting.
he just wants to go home
but he has his orders

     —  III —

the caskets come
on the sly
no press
no President
a few a day
small price to pay
flags and bugles
rifle salutes
tears shed alone
in dark of night
life insurance duly paid
he provided well
but never planned for this
exclusion
act of war
so sorry
land of lawyers
blah blah blah
this to here
that to there
she barely hears
barely cares
single mother of three
a statistic
a number
now four
not five

a letter arrives
painfully late
all my love to you.
give my love to all.
wish I could
see you
hold you
love you
but here I stay.
wish I knew
why.

     —  IV —

one white stone
one fallen soldier
one widow
three fatherless chldren
for what?
one score settled?
one debt repaid?
one P&L statement?
one failed vision?
the numbers
don't
add
up