Learning to Walk

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fridayam
fridayam
50 Followers

We learnt to walk together,
my mother and I.
She watched my falters with those
oceanic eyes,
so blue and deep and troubled.
Our smiles met and kissed
but we each had our worries.
Mine: would I fall? would she catch me?
would it hurt? when can I eat?
Hers: where is he? is he safe?
is there a woman? do I know her?
am I ugly? am I fat?
is this boy at my breast
the deathmound of my marriage?
will I fall? will he catch me?
She was kneeling, I stood
uncertain, trembling.
I thought I couldn't do it
but I did and laughed
at the improbability.
She kept her nerve and let me totter,
let me stand as she did,
tall and blonde and proud in her
womanhood.


(With thanks to Stephen Vizinczey's "In Praise of Older Women", chapter 13.)

fridayam
fridayam
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  • COMMENTS
2 Comments
vrosej10vrosej10almost 14 years ago
Great Poem.

My only comment would be to pay attention to the sound of your work. Poetry is supposed to have a degree of music to it. I loved this one though. Very deep.

normal jeannormal jeanalmost 14 years ago
you have such a good start, but some problems

I hate that I lost the respect of the people I admire on the board. When someone like you comes along, I want to give total, heartfelt FB, but someone always says I am being "mean." I enjoyed your poem, it could be improved but I am not the one to help you, Ange, or Pandora, or Champ if they have time. It is a shame ( th e"others", the hangout people, crucify some people and then don't even bother to give their own FB. Don't let the hypocrisy run you off the board. It is a great place to learn if you pay attention the people who are there to write and not flirt, the ones who have actual talent and not just mouth.

best of luck to you, I look forward to reading more of you.

;)

NJ

I enjoyed your poem despite..

;)

NJ

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