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Click herelittle screams bounce
eyes juggle dampness
between the obelisks
we erected yesterday
you have no idea
nails ripped clean
spelling always atrocious
monuments to memory
never spills over
you're smiling somewhere now
celebrated the hour
ballsy baby nerveless
whimper into puddles
crumpled devotion reflects
you didn't see me
I'll go with Chris on this; you've a strong emotional undertow that pulls but the words just don't feel that strongly connected.
the bitter tone here, but this doesn't feel as well constructed as some of your other poems.
I felt the image of the obelisks to be a bit too vague and couldn't see the connection to the rest of the poem.
Strong and emotional words but i'd rather not say what I thought it was about, as I wouldn't want to offend if it is so personal.