long slow burn

the slow burn to the breakdown
again
so damn predictable
like orange brown LA summer smog
choking, stifling waves
but regular
not impressive at all
every year
again and again
but miserable
so you can hardly notice

nothing to say
tired
three jobs, late nights, early mornings
equal parts
anxiety, over work and sloth
would think they
would be mutually exclusive
would think so.

thick cotton headed decision
hard to navigate between
melodrama and denial
too much of one
not enough of the other
wanting to nap
and really wallow in depression
but denied that luxury
of self important bliss
too many things to do
too many things to avoid
and its hard work
to not do the work
that would set me free.