Love Kills

Sometimes I think
I'm going crazy.
These days of sadness
then eruptions of rage.

I don't/can't/never
stay calm and level.
Every criticism an attack
that I fly at or away from.

I can't fix any of it.
The pain makes me desperate.
I rip at myself
and tear into others.

Sometimes I just have to run.
But I have to put shoes on.
And he always stops me.
I never get that second shoe on.

He grips my wrists.
And I want to kill him.
Because I want to kill me.
But he won't let me.

I've learned to scream
in a not there whisper.
My voice so low and harsh
that it tears my throat.

I've learned to hate.
Being in "love".
Hate letting him hurt me.
Hate that I still care.

Hate is strong.
Hard to hurt hate.
Hate can live forever.
I think it's love that kills.

Love kills strength.
Loves kills indifference.
It takes away that ability
to safely, simply not feel.


I wrote this poem a while ago...it stills gets to me.