- Non-Erotic Poetry
- mama's mystery
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Click hereyour mystery
mama,
unable to enlighten,
your little girl,
forgotten years ago.
why could your
mother instinct
not cradle
weeping child,
nor let her suckle
from breast,
nurturing, love
sustaining
in a world
where she would
tumble.
she was
only a child,
not comprehending
your unrelenting
loathing.
where were
your loving eyes,
encouraging,
building confidence,
within a life of
bitters.
why was the one
reflection,
hatred for a birthday,
one of non exsistence had
aborting them been legal.
now whiskey and wrinkles
play roulette
with your numbered days,
this child she feels
nothing.
no sadness
that your leaving,
she's only grieving,
what should have been,
could have been...
wished for by fountains,
a shiny penny tossed...
under falling stars,
where she wished
most everynight,
though she would
never catch one...
prayed for under covers
to a god
who's deafness
made him senile,
in a world he had
forgotten.
beneath her silent
whispers
of hatred,
longing for
your loving embraces,
tender kisses
healing,
band-aids
for skinned knees
and bruised hearts.
her strongest validation
you didn't crush her
tender heart,
a daughter
she cradles
with all the things,
that should have been
but never were
with you.
- COMMENTS
Maria2394almost 20 years agodoes something to me when I read the moment when a poet releases the most heartfelt pain they have ever had and that feels like yours, right here and now. I would hug you my precious, if you were near xoxox
tarablackwood22almost 20 years ago...this is very good, Fawnie. Well-handled and well-structured.
irishcatsmeowalmost 20 years ago'her strongest validation you didn't crush' and leave it at that? That makes a strong, unequivocal statement and is sharp with feeling.
her strongest validation
you didn't crush
Have reread the poem since i first commented and continue to be deeply touched by it.
WickedEvealmost 20 years agoand I'll only suggest 1 or 2 little changes. Actually, changes that are so insignificant that you may want to ignore these suggestions! lol
"wished for by fountains,
a shiny penny tossed..."
To my ears, it sounds better without shiny, and also, shiny penny is a little cliche. Anyway, not a major deal but something to think about.
"band-aids
for skinned knees
and bruised hearts.
her strongest validation
you didn't crush her
tender heart,"
I'd be very tempted to drop one of the hearts.
How about:
"band-aids
for skinned knees
and bruised hearts.
her strongest validation
you didn't crush her"
Maybe end it with crush her?
This is easily my favorite part:
"now whiskey and wrinkles
play roulette
with your numbered days,"
