- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Me and a Water Drop
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A waterdrop clings to a pink petal,
its heavy weight pulls the flower
over on its side, as it waits.
Two hazel eyes stare
from above, to watch the water
drop from the petal to the ground,
to watch the flower bounce,
to see the streak of leftover water,
impatient eyes stare at the petal
memorize details, darker streaks,
pale, powder spots there,
the inside too close to see color,
just shadow, but a shine
of more water trapped inside,
then back to the edge the eyes snap
to wait for the fall, sure to be soon.
The waterdrop falls from the petal,
the flower bounces, another drop
is suddenly readied at the edge.
It wasn't the flower I watched,
but that droplet, shattered on concrete
that amazed me, shared with me its explosion.
And I laughed for an hour,
as I read every word
from three paragraphs
reflected in the up-splashing,
tiny, exploding drops.
- COMMENTS
WickedEvealmost 20 years agomuch in the first half of the poem. Other than that, I do like it. Nice job.
Eumenidesalmost 20 years agoAlthough you have some good images, it seems like you spend so much time and effort flushing out the image of this action that I get lost and lose the image you're going for before I'm done with the poem. There are very strong moments in this poem, and you have a great handle on poetic tools, but there are things that keep me from loving this poem. First off, the imagery thing I just mentioned. Secondly, eyes don't watch, people do through the eyes. And thirdly, I just didn't get the three paragraphs part, but maybe that's just me. I do like your style in general, but I felt like this one tried too hard.
perksalmost 20 years agoI like the way you write. You have a certain perspective that I enjoy. I think your second stanza was too wordy and repetitive of the same word choices, but I still enjoyed your perspective. You've got this poetic thing happening everytime you put down words to paper. Not my favorite of yours, could use a little tweaking, but you've got potential and I'll be watching for more of your stuff. I think I'm a fan.
Tathagataalmost 20 years agopoint of view.
Things do become magnified at times like that..and you never forget.
A sad but beautiful read
Thank you
