- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Memories
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In the square there's
the wind in the scraps
of old papers and
left-over leaves as
the lost, ragged years
follow each other
down to the station
and leave on the night-train -
and all that will rest you
as a reminder is
only a couple of well-
thumbed receipts for
their train fares, and
deep indentations, left
behind by the lean years -
the handful of fat ones will
tread like they're all of them
walking on air
and won't leave a
tangible sign of their
having been there.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 11 years agolet's get THAT out of the way, also I an prefacing this by saying this is a higher order of craft, I am just questioning the judgement.
1.) I prefer more periods than dashes. the sentence does run on
2.) the encasement. square there's/ at the beginning and their/there at the end comes off as a bit fey.
that said. I hand out 5's like candy. this one deserves it.
an aside, I mentioned you (but not by name) in one of my PO'ed rants, referring to an incident last year, where someone said, "what is she, your girlfriend?" because I recommended she read you. Just thought I'd amuse you with that story. Grrlfriend. Note misspelling folks, Grr
