memories remembered

I remember my best years
Looking back at all that I have done
I ask myself is this all there is
I am not sure I like the answer
For it is all that I am

How shall i spend my next 30 years
Living and breathing
Fighting and dying

A young man thinks of yet to be
An old man lives in his memories
I am caught between these two extremes
And know not who I am

Decades I've spent learning to heal
Years I've spent on the hunt and the kill
These two extremes writhe in my soul
at times they surface and I cease to feel

I look forward to the rest of life
Some answers have I though mostly I fail
The choices I've made through out my life
Define my soul its needs my strife

When I die and at my wake
Will I be remembered with love
Or as just a fake