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Click hereI turned you away,
I withdrew from all.
selfish in my pain,
I heeded its' call.
plastic coated shame,
large cracks in my smile.
did I hide it well?
did you smell the bile?
the small clues left out
wanting to be found.
I couldn't tell you,
my bleeding throat bound.
I healed my own scars
and found my own light.
a ghost of the girl
who never felt right.
- COMMENTS
jthserraabout 14 years agoand it really grew on me. The seemingly simple lines had an underlying pain that I could almost feel. There are just a few things you might consider to help the flow of the poem a bit:
Instead of starting the first two lines with "I", you might consider revising the second line to "withdrew from it all."
In line four "its' " should be simply "its".
The first two lines of the last stanza repeat "my own" which felt a bit uncomfortable. You might consider modifying the first of those lines to "I healed all my scars" to avoid the repetition of "my own" so closely together.
"a ghost of the girl
who never felt right."
Wonderful, powerful ending.
jth
