- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Midsummer
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Click hereThe path winds between bois d'arc and honey locust
trees, meanders down the hill to the clearing where
the coven will celebrate Midsummer tonight. Sun's
about down. Off to the east, a couple
of owls whoo-whoo back and forth. A can
of lamp oil bumps against my leg
as I thread my way past branches sticking
out into the trail. My task is to refill the tiki torches
around the ritual circle. The moon is new tonight,
we'll need some extra light. The torches' smoke will help
keep the bugs at bay. I step into the clearing, see something
flying directly at me. An enormous barred owl
lands on an eye-level branch a dozen
paces away. I freeze as Owl
folds his wings. He leans forward,
transfixes me with his dark eyes,
examines me. Breathless seconds crawl
past. Owl nods his head as if in
approval, spreads his wings, leaps
forward, vanishes into the twilight.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 9 years agoyes lines are a little too prosy, here is the thing that bothers me, the first three stanzas have longer lines than the last two, now you are running over the stanzas, is there a reason for this? If no, you are setting up a visual handicap for yourself.
Sound these two lines, this is the stuff you want:
I freeze as Owl folds his wings.
transfixes me with his dark eyes, examines me.
repetitions of sound.
Trixareforkidsover 9 years agoNice progression and expression of a fleeting magical moment.
Great set up and setting as well.
greenmountaineerover 9 years agoI loved the mystery in this; a reader can do a lot with it. Some of the lines seemed more like prose, but all in all an enjoyable read.
