- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Mirage
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seize each passing limo,
like a hawk tugging on a rotting eyeball
offered by a fox corpse,
food for the soul.
- COMMENTS
bronzeageabout 13 years agoThe analogy of the limo and the fox eyeball does not hold, so the metaphors and similes of this piece conflict and fall short.
vrosej10about 13 years agoI can see what you are trying to do with this but there is too little coherance between the imagery. Go check out some decent haiku on line (suggest Gean Tree Magazine) and see how this kind of metaphor is pulled off.
twelveooneabout 13 years agooneiria, this is not food for the soul. 1st two lines good, 2nd seem like shock for shock's sake, wrap up line schlock. 4
