Momma Knows

Slowly waking from the depths of sleep
a knot in my stomach, and the feeling that
someone is watching me.

I open one eye, then both, and see you
standing there, pale in the late night
…mom, I don’t feel so good …

…momma knows, baby…go to the bathroom, now…move…
I urge you towards the bathroom with words, before
I can even get out of bed.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I feel the same ache you feel,
Right in the middle of my stomach, and then hear the
all too familiar sounds of your sickness.
Resting my head in my hands, I think – here we go again –

Getting up from bed, shuffling to the bathroom,
pulling on my old robe. Standing in the doorway,
waiting for you to finish.

…ok, sweetie? Feeling better?…
…yeah, I’m alright….

Now the normal routine, the flushing water,
brushing your teeth, a damp cool rag to wash your face, clean pajamas.
Your pillows, a large bath towel, and a bucket (just in case)
accompany us to into the living room.

We set up your pillows on the far side of the couch, covering them
with the towel. The bucket rests on the floor next to you, and you
get settled on the couch.

…mom, I’m cold…
… I know baby, here’s your blanket…

…is this my blanket of love?…
… of course it is …

and then you ask me to tell you the story of your blanket.

…well sweetie, grandma made this blanket for you when you were
just 2 years old. She knitted this blanket and poured lots of love and hugs
and kisses into it, because she knew that she would not get to see you very
often. She wanted you to feel loved every time you used this blanket….

As always, I get so emotional when I talk to you about this. Fortunately, the
story has made you sleepy, and you don’t notice the tears in my eyes as I sit and
stroke your forehead. Even now, I feel guilty that we live far away from grandma, and that she doesn’t see you as often as you both would like.

…mom?…
…yes., love?…
….I love you, mom….
…momma knows, baby, and I love you too…

After you fall asleep, I go and curl up in the chair across the room,
always watching you for signs of sickness again.

Early in the morning, after dozing for a while, I wake, touch your now cool forehead,
check on your brother, and wake your dad for work.

While the family rises, I slip out into the garage, the portable phone in my hand,
and press memory 2…

*ring * …..Hello?…

….Mom? Hi, it’s me. Mom, I love you…..
….I know baby….momma knows….