- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Morning Ride
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A headlong bike ride down the mountain
Tastes like a long cool kiss
From a fresh, clear fountain
Early morning bliss
Better than a shot of jo
Waking up smooth and slow
Rising. Pushing hair from sleepy eyes
Strong hands on lover’s shoulders
Gentle touch between my thighs
Steady thumping heart to quicken
Pumping rhythm in my head
Blood rush in a swollen brook
Pounding, pounding in my head
Reach the fast drop
Climax near
Don’t touch the brakes
Have no fear
Oh, it’s good. I’m coming coming
Aftershock is almost numbing
Pass the turn off
Passion steady
Pushing, throbbing
Air is heady
Cool it down now
Breathing slows
Start off work
With after glow
- COMMENTS
DeepAsleepover 19 years agoliked the rhythm you found in fits and starts, in this poem. However, I think that rhyming in a set pattern as you do, here, is detrimental to the overall poem. Adding sketchy grammer in a couple places (to force a rhyme or two, I think) only brings down what could be a really good poem. I love sex before work, too. >=]
If you've never read the poem "the love song of j. alfred prufrock" by t.s. eliot, i'd suggest looking it up and paying special attention to the way he rhymes, and the rhythm of the poem, in general. if you can get a feel for that, you'll be a long way ahead of where this poem is at.
Overall, I enjoyed it, loved the content, but I think you can do it better. Feel free to pm me anytime, if you have any questions, or want to tell me to go to hell.
~D.A.
