My Body Betrays Me

My body betrays me
In it lies the remembrances
Of a child it once borne
And then bore

But lost forever
Not to death
But to life
Without me

Apart from me
In a better place
Just not with me
Variables

They got the best of me
Wrong situations
Inappropriate circumstances
But I don't believe in my right

So I chose the hardest thing
And now I live with it daily
Thinking that I have failed
Not as a person

But worse
Unbearable grief
Accepting the best for you
Was the worst for me

At times I'm afraid of success
For fear it will be seen
As in spite of you
But it's not at all

And now, I face possibilities
Leaving me terrified
What if I am not ready
How do I even prepare

To whom am I even speaking
Is it just myself
Or is it to a person
Who is yet to exist

Just as once upon a time
Liquid on a stick
Holding my breath
Two lines appeared

And just like that
My whole world changed
All by myself
In discovery

But I could not do it
And I still cannot
Not alone
But there I was

And here I am
Unable to ask for help
Because tears are weakness
And I am strong

But closed mouths
Don't get fed
Or so the saying goes
Well I'm hungry

This time I cannot cook
Not by myself
Or for myself
But, Lord, I'm starving

And I suppose I shall stay
Malnourished
Continuing to speak
In metaphors

But directly
I cannot admit
That I need help
A bruise to my ego

It is too much
Hubris
Is what some may call it
Simply, I say, it is I

Perhaps it is still
As it was
When I began
My body betrays me ...