Non-Erotic PoetryMy dream of a loverI dreamt of you and me.
I dreamt of us and another.
My Lucifer, My Diana, you
Were clad in a black shirt
But nothing hid your blade.
You spoke surprised words
As I crossed the barrier
Of your home. I stand unspeaking.
The other is like you and me, male.
But he is dressed like you.
Raven's feathers make up
His hair. Skin kissed by the sun.
Eyes like onyx look at you and me.
Three, we travel, to where I can't remember.
Two, it becomes you and he.
One, I'm lost.
Zero, I wake.
I ask the Goddess why She sent
Me the dream but Her tongue She holds.
I dreamt of you and me.
I dreamt of us and another.
Share the love
Report a Bug
1 Pages:1
Please Rate This Submission:
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- Recent
Comments - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
English
agree with gmon the flow and diction
But feel the inverted ending adds a layer to the homoeroticisn that walks the whole piece, you added a female element to a piece that seems to speak of a male lover, so the femenine entity is a little off in the context, so the inversion acts as a final pointer to the main body of the text for me. In any event a well written 5edmore...
I liked this, good flow in the narration, kept my curiosity, good diction too, except for the inverted syntax at the end, which sounded off to me.
Show more comments or
Read All 2 User Comments or
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!