My Fall

winter, spring, summer
he's my Fall
he's like autumn leaves
and when autumn leaves
I miss him
kiss him
in my may dreams
so that day dreams
last 'til summer's nights
I'd often pick fights
with myself in June
because I knew fall was coming soon
and the leaves would be brownin'
just like his brown skin
and i'd lie down in piles of him
hopin' his eyes would send
smiles that blend
stirring souls that used to mix so well
but i'm condemned to hell
everytime the trees turn the skies orange-red
his face his voice his kiss burns in my head
burns future dreams to ashes to ashes
lust to dust
babies to maybe
-not-

not with my Fall
so while leaves fall
I fall
tears fall
cries call out to him
screams shout out to him
and he just smiles at me?
why is he smiling at me?
can't he see the pain
in this rain?
can't he see my thoughts are not sane?
as I contemplate how this vein
won't hurt so bad if it flows free
like my poetry
spilling life all over this page
spilling silent rage
"penned" up, built up, hidden
depressed, suppressed, forbidden
my fingers stutter to
t-t-tap
t-t-tap
t-t-tap
into my spine
poke at my mind
my fingers stutter to
enter- return to
enter- return to
enter
a guilty plea 'cuz i'm in /sanity
fully aware that I was kneeled below the trees
on my hands and knees
trying to
find
your
face
trying to smell your taste
and I couldn't
but my hands wouldn't
stop trying to squeeze
the life out of these dead leaves
trying to kill death
i'm trying to kill death
that's my downfall
down
fall
down
fall
down
fall down
like autumn leaves
and autumn leaves
me missing my Fall

rsjsj