- Erotic Poetry
- My First Time in Girl Land
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Girls in spike heels
My first time in girl land
A rock and roll band
Girls in power suits
So many perfumes
My jeans are too tight
I didn’t know
Testing the waters
Martinis for everyone
Smoking prohibited!
Flattering lighting
Nibbling the edges
Smelling the roses
Looking for trouble
She’s taller than I am
Cuter than ice cream
Hotter than Venus
Looking my way
Making me nervous
She buys me a drink
I must look ok
She asks for a dance
It’s just like I dreamed
I’m witty and charming
My panties are wet
I’m a well oiled machine
Up for the challenge?
It’s her place or mine
Moving too fast?
It’s rainy and cold
Fasten your seatbelt
Setting the table
No time for small talk
She likes my tattoo
Exploring our options
Indulging her fantasies
Learning the square knot
Viewing the evidence
Sweet Jesus she’s shaved!
Tasting the honey
Sampling the goodies
Better than chocolate
Digitizing the message
Unsealing my lips
Caught in the crosshairs
Showing my enthusiasm
Jumping for joy
Curling her toes
Straining at the leash
Chomping at the bit
Touching and feeling
Striving for excellence
No woman left behind
Sensing my destiny
Living the moment
Approaching our limits
Ignition and lift off
We burst into flames
No stifling our screams
We waken the neighbors
Mingling our fluids
Rest on our laurels
Let’s take a shower
Only the first time?
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 19 years agoYou didn't tell me you had a poem, GF! This is good! Listen to jthserra- he knows his stuff! Keep on, and TY!
Boo
jthserraabout 20 years agoI liked the pace and there was some interesting and original language, but that was coupled with a number of cliches... (smelling the roses, nibbling the edges). The pace was good, but with each thought expressed on a line, the poem became a procession of catch phrases instead of a flowing, building wave.
I think if you enjambed the lines (carried the thought over several lines) you could still keep the pace, but it would read more naturally. You could further enhance it in my opinion if you infused some punctuation, giving the reader direction on how "you" want the poem to be read. Something like:
"Girls in spike heels:
my first time in girl land
with a rock and roll band.
Girls in power suits
and so many perfumes,
my jeans are too tight
I just didn?t know."
Something like that. Read your version out loud, it becomes a bit of a chant, which in some cases works, but here I think it detracts from the unique language you use.
I think you have a good poem that with a bit of work could really shine...
jim : )
normal jeanabout 20 years agoup until the last 2 lines, I think that considering all things, there maybe should be a separation between the last 2 lines, otherwise it gives the impression that its the first time for a shower, which is kinka icky...
Tathagataabout 20 years agovery nice
sexy, innocent, pure
but so Hot!
makes me wish i was a woman.
thank you for this
