- Erotic Poetry
- Need
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Click hereLike a knot in my stomach I can't unwind
Like a ball in my throat I can't clear
Like a flame I can't blow out
It's ever present, nagging, tugging, pulling
Like watching a pot of water that won't boil
Like waiting for the bus that never comes
Like that phone call that won't ring
Forever waiting, wanting, thinking
Need consumes me.
- COMMENTS
4degreesover 18 years agoi feel
this need
bleeding out
and down
drowning
any thought out
that isn't him.
werd, LL.
post more
Anonymousover 18 years agotake away 4 like a's and you will greatly improve this poem. First two lines have a unique feel, add a few more original similies to replace waiting for the bus and the watch pot not boiling and you will also find your poem more enjoyable.
maybe you already did make these changes but had already submitted the poem, maybe you like it best as is.
annaswirls
LeBrozover 18 years agoWelcome to Lit - at least for your first submission!
Like your technique here;
drives home the feeling of need;
hope we don't have to wait as long for your next as we did for this !
