Needing An Inner Healingby_Lady1SensuaL1Fire_©
Looking back growing up,
Hardship was a constant companion
Following me everywhere I went.
Leaving me tired and spent.
From constant parental put downs,
About my weight, yet I was slim.
Nothing I did seemed to capture
The praise and nurturing I so needed
Leaving me lonely and unsure.
When I hit highschool years,
I became a bit more self assured
As I gazed down upon my budding womanly beauty
I began to hold my head higher..
Ridding myself of all my tears.
Years later, I met my future husband,
Who liked me for me, body and all.
We married months after,
My life a bit more secure.
Seven months later, I became pregnant
Cesarian was the only option
To free my daughter from my body
When labor came upon me.
Eleven months later, my son was also born
Of another cesarian.
Scaring my poor small tummy
Placing a small dent in my self esteem
A few years down the line,
I left my husband after emotional and verbal abuse
Finding myself raising my children alone
It was worth it, to find myself again.
Sometime later, I began dating,
But it was a forecast of what was to become
The reason for my declining self esteem.
Having overcome my shyness and conflicting emotions,
Finding out the hard way, that some men just wanted the chase,
When some pursued me, but soon lost interest
After finding out I liked them back.
I was confused by what was going on,
Feeling that maybe it wasn’t ok to just be me
I felt my self esteem slipping again,
I started questioning my writing abilities,
I questioned me...I questioned my worthiness,
I forgot how it was to be unafraid.
I am becoming angry at myself,
For allowing this darkness to overtake me.
Raising my chin defiantly, I need to fight back,
And tell myself I am worthy, I am loved.
My children are my gift and my strength,
I don’t want to lose me;...Monique.
A voice cries inside me, to stand tall and walk proud
Don’t ever give up, I am here
Tears stream down my face, as I am angry and scared
To walk down the street,
Feeling all are staring at me.
Why do this to yourself, I ask, enough.
Remember who you are, remember where I came from,
Remember that I am worthy and free,
To be anything I want to be...
What I need, is an inner healing.
*It's ok to feel scared and to feel unsure, but to not let it consume you, is the courageous battle that wages in me...Even us strong women have fears.