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He stands alone across a room. He's handsome, confident and commanding even in silence. She see's the whip at his belt.
She watches Him.
Weeks go by. He teaches her. He trains her. He shows her His way. He tells her how to live in His world.
She knows Him.
Months go by. He commands her. He punishes her. He forces her to see herself as she really is. His.
She obeys Him.
He protects her. He sends her spirit to places she once feared. He holds her when the truths she never admitted force their way to the surface.
She loves Him.
He touches her and she trembles. His mouth encloses hers and she suffocates in Him. He praises her while using her for His pleasure.
She desires Him.
Years go by. She cares for Him. She hears His words. She grows under His hand.
He owns her.
A lifetime now gone. A hole where He once held onto her heart. Nakedness where once His collar caressed her neck. A silence His commanding voice once filled.
She mourns Him.
The days grow darker for her. She feels tired. She cries for Him. Time moves her forward. Finally.....
She joins Him.

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3 Comments
LeBrozLeBrozover 18 years ago
~~

Welcome to Lit - a really fun place

Now this is what I call LOADED;

a lifetime in one poem.

I concur with Fly and RhymeFairy -

go join in at the Poetry Feedback and Discussion Forum.

If there's one thing poets love to do nearly as much as writing poetry, it is helping other poets write theirs.

With all the power behind your words, give it a shot; you should blow us all away in no time at all.

RhymeFairyRhymeFairyover 18 years ago
Nice write ~

I would have to agree with Fly.

A lil overwritten, but I love

the sentimnet shown here.

Good wording ... ~

Do not give up. I like it,

just needs a lil trimming.

More Please ~

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
OK

Substantially overwritten, in my view. This poem would stronger if you left more to the reader's imagination.

Drop by the Poetry Feedback & Discussion Forum and join some of the discussions there-- I think you will grow as a poet.

Fly