Next Lifetime

You have love for me,
yet I know that my place
will never be by your side,
standing proudly with nothing to hide.
And I know that if I was to ask you to choose,
happiness,
over your kids,
that I would not win.
Because,
regardless of how unhappy your situation is,
as a father,
100% is what you plan to always give.

And I commend you for this,
however,
it doesn't save me from MY current predicament.
And I'm sick with it,
because love knows no limits,
but limits me in my ability to love.
And out of ALL the possible prospects,
I'm expected to accept fate,
and just,
throw the towel in.

As patient as I said I would be,
as calm as I may appear to seem,
inside I am battling for my sanity,
and control of my heart.
And what started out as a friendly thing,
became,
well it just became,
because,
there can never be a beginning between us,
so labeling it anything specific,
would just be,
pointless.

This unstable frame of mind that I'm in,
is not sitting well with me.
And my heart takes the backseat,
as reality steps back in.
And what drives me forward,
what tricks me into believing that
we appear to only be getting closer,
when in actuality,
nothing could be further from the truth,
is the view.
The rear view mirror image,
of what's past.

They say the first step
to recovery from an addiction,
is accepting denial.
I think the same concept applies here,
near my heart,
because,
that's where all of this is coming from after all.
And after it's all said and done.
After we both know that what we choose,
could possibly only make our situation worse.
I know that to go back to the beginning,
and do it all again.
To start all over from scratch,
would be an option that I would take,
without hesitation.

But I need to believe,
that there is someone meant for me.
That I am not destined to be,
the other woman,
when in fact,
I'm all the woman you need.
See,
my heart not only cries for you,
it bleeds.
And it brings me to my knees.
Please!
Please, just let me go quietly,
so that I can see what it's like to truly live.
How it feels to receive love,
not just give.

And I'm not saying that this is a decision
that I made easily,
or willingly,
but I can't continue to live a lie.
Hoping that some day I'll come first,
instead of just being someone
that you mention honorably,
in passing.

I've shed my tears,
and the skin of defeat,
that weighs this heart heavy.

And as I stand here,
feeling as if I were,
less than half,
of the whole woman I truly am.

I think to myself,
what was meant to be,
was meant to be.
Things happen for a reason.
After all,
there's nothing wrong with believing.
Love knows no limits.
It's TIME that hinders us.
So I guess you and I,
well,
we'll just have to wait until,
next lifetime.