Night Sweats

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December
Temperatures dip
It's not cold enough
I want to throw open the window
And lap the rain

Shaking
Quivering thirsty
And nothing's enough
To sort out my jangled nerves
And ease the pain

What's worse
than needing release at 3 am?
Knowing that if you let go,
It will come back to haunt you
A bruising reminder of what you did.

What's better
Than blotting out chaos?
Sweet sweat-drenched quiet
A racing heart remembers
Such moments of connected-ness.

Swaddling
Soothes colic
Does binding soothe me enough?
Maybe my enlightenment exists
Only in the dark

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