Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
You cannot see through me.
You will never see through me.
I won't let you.
Yeah, you take me any time you want.
But you'll have to push my legs to open.
You drive my hips the way you need.
But I won't turn my head to look at you.
You thrust deeper.
But I won't moan.
You kiss me and you lick me.
But I don't kiss you back.
You make me come.
But you'll never hear your name.
Out of my lips.
Because you don't love me.
You just fuck me.
- COMMENTS
TranslucentGirlover 8 years agoAuthor@legerdemer: Thank you immersly for your kind words! When it comes to poetry I like the freedom it gives me to use punctuation in whatever way I want. Most of the times it's just aesthetical reasons!
If I decide to resubmit it I will most definetely take a look at your comments!
@Ashesh9 Translucent is in the middle of the two... Like everything in life, in between. Thanks for reading!
Ashesh9over 8 years agoTransparent , opaque ......translucent .......three different concepts .......three different animals ......Guess you cannot see through translucence as if it is transparence ?!
legerdemerover 8 years agoThis was very effective, TranslucentGirl. I'll make a few suggestions, but don't mind me, or them:
For the second stanza, I think the following might flow better with the rest of the poem's rhythm
You take me any time you want,
but you have to push my legs open.
and...
You drive my hips the way you need,
but I won't turn to look at you.
and perhaps:
You make me come.
But you'll never hear your name
from my lips.
Also, I had trouble with your punctuation: you placed a period at the end of each line, even when the next line is clearly a continuation of the thought in the first. In my suggestions, I used an alternative punctuation style - one that was suggested to me, and for which the term is "enjambment," I believe. On the other hand, the punctuation is perfect in your last stanza - that last "fuck you!" send-off.
Your poem is good - it drives its point home without flinching, and I really like that. I look forward to reading more of your poems.
And please ignore my suggestions if they don't fit with your goals.
Thank you, very good read.
