- Non-Erotic Poetry
- No Secrets to Hide
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No Secrets to Hide
Under kind, intuitive but watchful gaze,
She gently commands me.
Service, freely given, earns Her praise.
Images of Mistress and Her desire, in my mind's eye, ablaze,
It is She who will teach me to see.
Low before Her, i quiver inside.
i falter, She angers and punishes her slave.
Like a moth, drawn to the light, hypnotized,
Deep longing for Her pleasure realized.
She washes over me, breathtaking, like a delirious wave.
Her pleasure, Her desire, Her delight,
An honor, a duty to provide.
The ancient pleasure of service, the kindness of Her,
Touched my soul this night.
Deep secrets to harbor, but for Her, sweet Mistress Christina,
No secrets to hide...
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 18 years agoA couple small suggestions
If I may be so bold
To your praise to submission:
Drop one here word and Her presence becomes stronger ~
"Under kind, intuitive but watchful gaze,
She gently commands me."
Becomes stronger this way ~
"Under kind, intuitive but watchful gaze,
She gently commands."
Another spot for a possible snip ~
" She washes over me, breathtaking, like a delirious wave."
That one word, breathtaking, seems just a bit much, as all that precedes makes this point clear. This way the focus is on the sub; take away this word and the focus shifts to Mistress' power ~
" She washes over me like a delirious wave."
Do continue with these themes you write and, in time, expand on your skills. Awaiting more.
