Non-Erotic PoetryNo VarianceThere's a birds nest in the Maple
kept pruned to seven foot
never to be the same as
the ones beside garage
whose tops tower above the roof
and roots misshape the drive
So don't be concerned miss birdie
as I work upon your home
this location is only zoned
for a single family dwelling
Share the love
Report a Bug
1 Pages:1
Please Rate This Submission:
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- Recent
Comments - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
English
very good harry
I always enjoy your poetry, and agree with butters, she is one of the best at breaking down a poem so why wouldn't I agree.
there seems to be an off pitch to your sonic pattern it breaks in and out in an odd rhythm, dissonant then assonant, reminds me of a bird swooping at you as you prune the tree.
There's a birds nest in the Maple
kept pruned to seven foot
never to be the same as
this whole section no rhyme, seven and never come close but don't quite match up,
the ones beside garage
whose tops tower above the roof
and roots misshape the drive
then you get a bouncing rhythm starting at besides, you have two short bursts of alliteration tops, towers and roof and roots,
finally the coolest part to my ear the rhyme between beside and drive,
missing "the" next to garage is interesting and adds to the dissonance, but keeps the syllable count exactly the same as the final line to give a sonic "bounce" add the rhyme and its as if the bird you mention in the second stanza was swooping as you trimmed.
the final stanza has a similar sonic bounce and dissonance, very different.
then you have a secondary layer about urban sprawl etc as outline by butters. fine poem harry, even if half of this is just in my own head.more...
the title makes me smile, given the context
no variance sought, things remaining as they stand (in this case, 7' tall :)
bird's
this also makes a social comment with regards to high-rise buildings, how their nature can create stress in a community, their superstructures buckling and displacing the very substructure they rely upon.
lol at ash :)more...
Ha! A9
twigs and soft scented grass wound in a bowl, waiting for a birds wing to alight
you'll be soon settin' up your own
Sweet Nest , Bro !!
Show more comments or
Read All 4 User Comments or
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!