Nonprecious

Almost three years' past since I met you
And the pain still cuts like a knife
Sharpened against the razor-like edges of you
To slide like hot butter against my skin

You say it's a fairytale
But I say it's real

Almost two years' past since I met you
All over again, in another way
And still the pain does not recede

You keep running back to me
But I don't want to bleed

Anymore

One year has past
Since you left me leaving
And I left you grieving
For something we both knew couldn't last

Is that an excuse?
Or a reason?

And less than six months ago
You left me again
Shattered and stripped of all dignity
How was I supposed to react?

You say I'm a whore
Because I'm lonely

Almost fifteen years' past
I was left alone
Was I then a whore?
Was I then an innocent?

Was I then neither?
Was I a victim?

And what of love?

Living without, you expect me
Like a ripe plum
To fall into your mouth
For your consumption

But I have nothing left!
There is no sugar sweet
There is no soft inside

There is only harsh peeling
Surrounding grain and bone
Grit and dirt
And I can't get clean

Why can't I get clean?!

Almost three years' past since I met you
And I still miss you
Even though you only left a little
It was all I had left

So what of me?
I sit in patience
Waiting on the sidelines
Tip-toeing around your conscience

And awaiting my conviction
Appraising my affliction
Because it's you
And I still don't know

If you're even worth the effort it would take
To hold you.