Observation

Thank you Natasha for your kind response to my comment(s?). We may continue under your 3 poems commented by me, or in Literotica mail, or simply you may write to my email address: annarborwlod followed by @ followed by gmail dot com. If you worried about security, you may create for yourself a totally new email address, something like

*** "Lit Natasha" (litnatasha@gmail.com) ***

("Lit" for Literotica) or call yourself "Big Natasha" :). BTW, "annarbor" stands for "Ann Arbor (MI)".

My views about poetry were shaped by folk poetry, Chinese poetry till and including V||| century (especially Du Fu), skalds--X-XI centuries, mainly Iceland, Japanese haiku (Basho, Buson, ...), and here and there this and that like poetry and views by Bolesław Leśmian (the greatest poet since Du Fu), Osip Mandelstam, ... I've rounded it up with some thinking, and called the total -- Tangia (because of the VIII century Chinese dynasty Tang).

I was on and off PF&D at different times, it was a mixed experience, now I am off, and I hope to stay this way (these days, it's my endgame anyway, it doesn't matter much).

Best regards--S.J.

I'm not sure I understand all of your comments some of which do whoosh over my head - but I'll think about them and try to take them on board next time I write, Sena.

I hope you don't mind if I come back to you on some of the points - I think I need to understand better. Thank you for your time.

In poetry, a sensual report doesn't have to be real, and real doesn't have to be sensual.

On one hand, you can make up anything you want to, as long as you describe it in sensual terms of an image and/or sound and/or smell and/or ...--then potentially it's poetry.

On the other hand, a real object can be described in abstract, general terms. Then it's not poetry.

(I am not an anonymous Literotician. My Lit-id is Senna Jawa (which means both "sleepy awakeness" or "dreamy reality", and my actual name is Włodzimierz Holsztyński. You're still welcome to delete my comment :). Anyway, I respect your writing.)

I'll mention some differences in understanding poetry, between your poem and my view.

1. You start each line with upper case, which is still a pretty common practice. However, I claim that every element of a poem should contribute to poetry. Once you give up on the upper case constrain, you gain flexibility (to use or not the upper case) which can add to the poetic effect of the text. An unnecessary upper case is loud not for any good reason, it's against good taste (it's like showing off: look, I am writing POETRY!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!).

2. Your lines 1-2: "[...] lips / Surrounding and encasing sir's fine cock" presents not a sensual direct observation but knowledge. The direct observation would be something like:

*** the observation of "O" of lips

*** under sir's pubic hair

3. The phrase, L1: "The observation of [...]" makes me feel right away uneasy. This of course is the integral part of your text hence it's something basic. You have decided to provide readers with opinions (you tell the readers that the scene is an "observation". My view is that a poem should be nothing but a sensual report (meaning a report from eyes-ears-touch-feel_of_motion-smell-...). The opinions, interpretations, etc. should be provided (if at all) by readers.

This is the 50-50 of poetry: 50% of the poem is provided by the text of the poem, which should be nothing but sensual report; the other 50% happens outside the text of the poem, and it is provided by the reader.

This 50-50 is such that 50+50=100, meaning that the author has no right to infringe on the reader's terrain (by providing some abstract stuff); and the readers must reproduce the author's sensual report (has to recreate the images, etc.), and readers have no right to add or subtract to the sensual report (that would be outright rude and uncalled for)--readers can add only interpretations, etc.

Best regards, and Happy This Time Of The Year -- S.J. (or wh).