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Click hereWhat is that light?
Is it the sun shining
on my true love's breast?
I love to watch the rising
and setting as she breathes
Such a bosom cannot help
but brighten one's day
see the rays spreading
across such succulent flesh
enlightening and inviting
I am forced to acquiesce
dig into the bodice
of her dress and free
her golden orbs, drink
in their wondrous beauty
on this eve of my undoing
I will not be distracted
but act on impulse, wait
for sunset, when in twilight
I might rise to the occasion
har, har, Golden Orbs, Eve if you have to do Golden Orbs, it is a bright shining day with the sun, blah, blah, I think he is parrelling here - Kudos on the dreadful Golden Orbs in this case. Just my humble opinion - from a most humble non winner of the most covetous awards and the most covetous, blah, blah. You may want to rethink wondrous beauty. Bread can be wondrous, but I'm just loafing around.
Your description made me rethink my bias (ok, I am old fashioned) against meddling with the human body. Perhaps one little sun is ok...
The second half of the poem is a bit better than the first two stanzas. The only thing I'd rethink would be "golden orbs" unless you're writing about someone tanned or a golden figure, perhaps. Um, no, I'd still think the golden orbs. Wish I had a good suggetion for an alternative.
This poem was mentioned in Wednesday's New Poems Reviews.<br>
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